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Godzilla Saves Embryos Clinic Kids Rescued from Extraordinary Lab Rendition
Washington, D.C.- All eyes across the U.S.A. today focused on the fiery lizard from the Pacific as legislators in the nation’s capitol turned to the issue of stem cell research. Proponents of research to find cures for Parkinson’s disease, diabetes, Alzheimer’s and other brain diseases sought to obtain passage of a bill before Congress that would ease restrictions on research making use of human embryos. The bill if enacted would effectively restore federal funds for research using stem cells derived from human embryos, raising the possibility of new advances in the treatment of major illnesses. But opponents of the measure, including Godzilla, the nation’s leading lizard, claimed that use of human embryos violates moral prohibitions on the taking of early human life. Pointing to the roomful of children born from fertility clinic embryos rescued from the petri dish, Godzilla observed, “We must also remember that each of these children here began their lives from a human embryo.” The titanic lizard, then smiled, “Each of these kids has been blessed with life. And you know, these kids are not just spare parts. They have the potential to become human life.” The fiery lizard, whose photometric death ray once vaporized an F-16 Phantom Jet in mid-flight, was born in the murky depths of Bikini Atoll after a nuclear detonation there led to the disappearance of three balmy islands in 1946. After that it was “on to Tokyo” where the fiery Godzilla met with Elvis Presley look-alikes, toured Kyoto, and set fire to the Sushi district while engaging in a running battle with a Japanese heavy armored division. “This is a lizard that once crumpled tanks like marsh mellows,” said White House press secretary, Tony Snow, explaining Godzilla’s turn to politics in the 1980s after a car crash led him to take up prayer. “Before that it was just one village after another,” said Snow. “Eating, eating. Gassing up and then eating. And the bills that came back to his father. Well, there were quite a few anxious moments.” Meanwhile, in other news, U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan today called for an immediate halt to the fighting between Israeli troops and Hezbollah guerillas in southern Lebanon, urging both sides to “give diplomacy a chance to work.” Unaware that a nearby microphone had been left on, Godzilla joked, “Blair, what are you doin’? Kofi’s got some peace plan brewing. Shit. His attitude is basically, well, cease fire. And then what? Hey, then what are you going to do, Kofi?” “Hey,” said Godzilla. “Is that microphone on? Uh…”
Send comments on the latest from Godzilla to hollywinkle@carolcivicvoice.org. |
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Carolina Civic Voice Summer 2006, Vol. 6, No 2 |
