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Godzilla Sells New York to Arabs Sesamee Street to Fall Under Dutchy of Islamistan
Washington – The mood was tense in the nation’s capital today as Godzilla, the fiery serpent of 1950s origin, announced to press that five U.S. ports, including New York, would be sold to the state corporation of the United Arab Emirates. The small principality on the Western coast of the Arabian peninsula, sometimes referred to as the Dutchy of Islamistan, has been a leading force within the British commonwealth since its establishment in the nineteenth century. The news of the sale nevertheless brought cries of alarm in parts of New York and lower Manhattan, sending stock prices into a precipitous slide as shrieking parents lined up outside of the Sesamee Street School to announce their opposition. Some parents complaining that the sale would place their school in the hands of a foreign ruler. Congressman Dick Slickpense (R) of the lower East Side tried to calm his constituents, but agreed that the situation was questionable. Parents feared that as a result of the sale, children would be forced to pledge allegiance to the Islamic Emir, and the daily bow toward Mecca would become compulsory in public schools. “Yeah, they only read one book over there,” said the mother of one five year old. “The Koran! First we get 9/11 and now this! We’re falling under the crescent and scimitar, and all you people can do is talk about the stock market.” In an exclusive interview with ABFlea Schmooz correspondent Elizabeth Snottygrass, Godzilla had this to say- “Now look here,” said the president. “We created that little country and it’s ours. So there’s nothing to be afraid of in the Dutchy of Islamistan. Hey, if anything comes up I’ll get on the phone with Alan Greespan and we’ll fix it up. Trust me! The Sesamee Street kids will be safe under our protection.” In response to questions about the government of the UAE, Mr. Godzilla chortled that the Duke and the Earl of Islamistan were indeed old friends of his dating back to his days in the oil business. “Why, we were in business together,” said Godzilla. “Look, I know these people better than a dog knows fleas.” But when Snottygrass changed the subject to recent reports of the accidental downing of a U.S. F-16 fighter-bomber, burned from the sky in mid flight when Godzilla’s photometric deathray went array during a weekend hunting escapade, the slithering serpent of steel seemed momentarily off balance. “Whoops!” said Godzilla. “Hey, sorry about that. Well, you know that was just an accident. And since then I’ve had to say more than once—I’m the guy who shot my old pal Abdulla.”
Send comments on the latest from Godzilla to hollywinkle@carolcivicvoice.org.
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Carolina Civic Voice Summer 2006 Vol. 6, No 2 |